


The Promise

by Drachenkinder



Series: The Promise [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Depression, Eating Disorders, Grandthorki, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 17:14:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drachenkinder/pseuds/Drachenkinder
Summary: A conversation on Sakaar.





	The Promise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Loxxlay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loxxlay/gifts).

Thor washed his hands again. The small brush was well beyond cleaning at this point and was scrubbing into the second layer of skin, soap stinging on his raw knuckles. It was Loki’s thin fingers that stopped him. That took away the brush. That gently patted his bleeding knuckles dry.

“That doesn’t help,” Loki said, his voice flat. “It only annoys him if you hurt yourself.”

Loki’s face was a calm disinterested mask. He looked like a stranger to Thor, his eyes elongated by outlines of kohl and golden shimmering paint, his narrow lips given the appearance of a foreign plumpness by the careful application of cosmetics. Loki was only halfway through his nightly routine, his skin was still a pale sun starved sickliness, his cheekbones too hollow and his jaw too sharp. Thor knew it was because Loki rarely ate anymore. Under the paint and the false aura created by the bits of illusion he could still muster, Loki was starving to death. He no longer tried to hide it from Thor. As if his magic could blind Thor to the fragile jutting of his hip bones when they…

Thor pulled his mind away from that. It was better not to think of such things.

He walked to the table and picked out a piece of fruit he’d seen Loki eat in the past and cut it into thin slivers. He added a slice of bread and brought the plate to Loki.

“You should eat something.”

Loki picked up the cosmetic brush and dusted color over his cheeks. He blended it with his fingertips.

“I have no desire for food.”

“It will irritate him more if you faint again. He may do worse then…” Thor trailed off. Last night had been brutal enough to leave dark bruises covering most of Loki’s delicate throat, and the aftermath of his punishment had him coughing up blood for most of the morning.

“If I faint again, I won’t feel it, so why should I care?” Loki said. “Maybe I’ll be lucky and one of them will kill me by accident and he won’t bother to revive me.”

“Don’t say such a thing! Please. Eat something. I can’t watch them do that to you again.”

“Of course it’s all about you, isn’t it?” Loki said viciously. “Never about me. Never about what I want.”

“Loki, please, I don’t want to fight about this. Not again. You can’t give up hope.”

“I can. I have. I know there is no way we win here. No clever plan, no last minute rescue. Your Avengers aren’t going to swoop in and save us. Odin won’t rise from the dead and strike him down. There is only suffering and humiliation and degradation until he tires of us. There is only minimizing it as much as possible. Unless you will relent from your foolish choice and free me?”

“I can’t. Please don’t ask me again. I’ve lost you too many times…” Thor’s throat clenched. Why must Loki always come back to this terrible promise which the Grandmaster had made to Thor?

“So I must be punished for surviving, is that it? I must suffer for your grief?”

“We will find a way to escape brother, I promise you.”

Loki turned back to the mirror. He picked up another brush and added a different color. Building up the illusion of health.

“Were I given the option, I would have freed you.”

“Don’t.” Thor said.

“Why?” Loki asked.

“Is it not enough that he tortures us? Must we torment each other as well?” Thor cried out.

Loki put down the brush and sighed. “I’m tired, Thor. I’m so tired.”

Thor cleared a small spot on the cosmetics table and put down the plate.

“Please, eat something.” He could feel the tears spill down his cheeks and he dashed them away, but Loki had seen them as well.

His brother sighed, picked up a slice of fruit and took a tiny bite. He winced when he swallowed and Thor cursed himself for forgetting Loki’s damaged throat.

“I’m sorry, I’ll get you something soothing.” Thor said reaching for the plate.

Loki waved him off. “It’s fine, don’t bother.”

“Damn it! I don’t want you to be in pain, let me help.”

“If you don’t want me to be in pain, then kill me.”

“Loki! Stop asking that. I won’t do it. I won’t kill you!.”

“Why won’t you, Thor?”

“Because I love you! Because you are my brother! Because I’m going to find a way out of here, for both of us.”

Loki surged to his feet. “Stop lying! Damn you! Stop lying to me. You won’t kill me because you don’t want to be alone in this hell hole! Because you don’t want to live with the guilt of my blood on your hands! Because you won’t admit failure!”

“That’s not true!” Thor said, desperate to believe his own words. He did love Loki and he was going to find a way to free them. He had to. Otherwise all their suffering would be for naught and Thor could not believe that. Loki had lost hope and that was why he was so bitter. When they were free, Loki would see that Thor was right. He would forgive him. He had to.

“It is true. I suffer because you cannot face the pain of your own emotions. Because of your pride. Because of your stupid selfish stubbornness, I am forced to suffer every cursed night. You know why he didn’t make me that offer?”

“Loki stop this!” Thor shouted back. Guilt and shame and rage burned through him and some part of his mind knew that Loki was trying to bait him into striking him. As weakened as Loki was, there was a good chance that he would not survive a beating at Thor’s hands.

“Because I truly love you.” Loki’s voice had gone soft and weariness was in every syllable. “Because I would have slit your throat the second he made the promise not to revive you. I would have lived with the guilt and the loneliness and the shame that I could not free you any other way, rather than see you degraded night after night. Rather than rape you, brother, I would have killed you and let your soul go unsullied to Valhalla.”

Loki dropped back down to his bench and resumed his application of makeup. “Do not dare to speak to me of caring, of love, when your actions damn me to hell.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry. Loki won't starve to death. The Grandmaster will see that he gets fed.


End file.
